I looked at my unpublished drafts and I thought, “What was I even thinking back then?”
There were so many posts that were either left unfinished or just finished but never to see the light. There were topics that I really wanted to share my thoughts on but I gave up in the end.
Even this post, right here.
I have no idea.
(shows a gif of an anime boy writing down names in his notes)
I could blame it on my overwhelming schedule that kept me from finishing the draft, or that my train of thoughts which crashed suddenly, or that the more I wrote, the wrong-er it felt like. I could even blame it on myself for finding excuses, but it just didn’t feel right.
I didn’t feel like publishing or finishing them anymore, even if I can. Looking back, these drafts became separated and not attached to what I aimed for anymore. All those ideas that I spent my time writing out, polishing them, I just didn’t care for them—not anymore.
(shows an anime girl laying like a starfish on her bed)
But then, if it’s just this easy to let go of these drafts, why did I spend time voicing those thoughts out in words? No. If I started it, I wanted to end it with both my hands, and my hands alone.
But I just couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to cling on them solely because I feel the obligation to. It’s too tiring; it’s just too exhausting to drag it on.
But I had already started, and almost finished them, all it would take was just a little bit more of my time, and some patience to see it through. That’s all, then it’d be off and away. That’s all.
But all the feelings I poured were already gone, my passion was dampened, my motivation was gone in the wind. Even if I managed to create something, I wouldn’t like it; I wouldn’t like the process either. If that is so, then would there still be any point in creating it—in doing something just for the sake of doing it?
(shows a character in hoodie eating snacks while watching tv with lights turned off)
Yes, there is. And no, there’s not.
Drafts, are where all of the blog posts, stories, music, and songs originate from. In writer sense, the first drafts are sometimes called the “vomit draft”. And, it’s exactly as it sounds. No one cares about it being elegant or beautiful. It’s just a big “Ugh”.
In my case, all the ideas that I do not know how to express, the jumbled thoughts, the overly complicated words that I normally wouldn’t use in our posts (like photosynthesis)—I throw it into the draft and forced myself to keep writing it until it’s done.
I wasn’t happy with how they turned out. I didn’t like them—and that’s the point. That’s what vomit drafts are for. They are only seen by you, and you only. You could stash them amongst hundreds of drafts you wrote, binned them, or polish them to perfection.
You might still not convinced of the final result, you might hate it but ultimately it’s up to you to decide—whether you want to or not.
(shows an anime character pointing out to the readers’ screen)
Drafts embody all your preparation, and most of the time, your efforts that you gave meaning to. They can be kept updating, or left in the dark.
So, if you’re just fed up of it, and can’t squeeze another inch of motivation to continue anymore, that’s fine. Give up. Or, take a break. In fact, you should take a break every time you feel like it (I read it from a real thick medical book by a very prestigious psychiatrist, that it’s your body screaming for you to slow your pace).
If you’re convinced your drafts is good, then wait no more, RUN, do not hesitate, instantly click that “P